That is drive myself crazy. I can't ever just make a simple decision no matter what. I'm even worse when it comes to spending money. I rationalize with myself that it's ok and then later get pissed because we owe more than I would like on debts. However the army did a really good job helping us into this corner where we now have debt other than our car again. Sending us overseas without the correct paperwork has been expensive seriously. I know they want you pay for things up front, but why can't they front the freaking cost? If they pay for our plane tickets the army owes us about $4000 or more for this freaking move. When Tony goes to sign in the process will begin for some reimbursements, but still this sucks not knowing.
Tony is also unhelpful when trying to make decisions. He won't ever help me rationalize the correct choice and instead decides he just wants to argue with me. I feel like I have to make every decision, because his response to everything is I don't care. Well could you care a little bit and make this easier for me? Then he'll get stuck on something and be inflexible about options. I hate this silence that comes with it. Stop playing the dang facebook games and discuss this with me. Whatever I know it's probably the wrong choice as most choices I make are wrong.
Oh well I passed this on to Tony so he can decide and do something about it. Now lets talk about my handsome princes.
Zander is so far still an excellent baby. Beginning to prefer mommy to hold him all the time at night, but he sleeps. He doesn't like to nurse laying down, but sometimes I can trick him into it.
Zavier is just funny. We got a new box in the mail today and he has taken it over to replace his broken one from before. It won't last too long with the abuse it takes, but he enjoys it.
Zayden had his kindergarten round up yesterday. The teachers seemed ok from a distance. We shall see what he really ends up with. He had to go with each of them to go over things he knows. He didn't really want to, but was finally convinced that he would go. I think he did ok.
Zachary is bored out of his mind and I don't really know how to help that. I don't have anything to offer him to do. We have nothing still and won't know if we do until Tony goes to sign in later today. Yesterday Zachary told us that if we didn't let him go out front he was running away. Then we made him stay inside upstairs for "fear" (or a good lesson) about running away.
I want so bad to get up and leave the house with the kids, but I can't and I hate it. It is driving me crazy slowly. And them too. The kids don't all fit in the explorer unless I put one upfront and I don't really want to do that unless I have to. And now that Tony is going back to work he'll be taking the car. The van is still somewhere on a boat. Again the shit the army does to people. They won't pay for us to have a rental so here we sit. Hoping that monday I can get a sitter for Zachary and Tony can come home and get us so that I can take the baby to his well baby appointment.
I'm off to have a pitty party just like everyday for the last 3 weeks.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
He is here and
He is absolutely beautiful. He is so far been a wonderful baby, good sleeper, good eater, and just overall easy for mommy. He was born on August 14th 2010 @1838 after checking in to the hospital at noon that day. We had gone in around 3 Am on the 13th with constant contractions 2 minutes apart for over 2 hours, but by the time we got there that day they were gone. I was so exhausted that when they said I could go home I did and I slept. I had been telling myself he was going to be born on the 13th and with that first trip I thought awesome right on, but after going home that morning nothing was happening. I spent most of that day with NO contractions after having so many before. However looking back I know now that they weren't that painful. lol I went to bed that night very disappointed since that was the day I wanted him to be born. I slept from about midnight until sometime after 4 when I was again woken from sleep with a contraction.
This morning was different as pretty instantly they were more painful than before, but less frequent. We hung around the house and I decided to get in the tub. I laid in the tub for about an hour which was a very nice hour as contractions picked up a bit, but were manageable with the water. We decided that we should probably get it together and go back to the hospital as we live 40 mins away and with any pressure I let it happen. We get there around noon and I get hooked up to the monitors and right away in came the midwife because with the contraction baby's heart had a decel. She went ahead and checked me and I was only a 3-4 which when I was there before I was only a 3. I thought this is going to take forever if all the contractions I have been having and no change. As the midwife chatted with me so that she could watch him during the contractions he again would decel with contractions, but come right back up and be just fine.
With the decels the midwife decided that we wouldn't be leaving. She normal would have sent me to walk, but at this point baby wasn't allowed off the monitors. We were staying and having a baby.
I get my labs done and get changed and then they finally move me into my room that he will be born in where Tony and the boys are already waiting. The plan was just to watch baby and wait for my body to do it's thing. We decide that Tony should leave and feed the boys and hopefully while he was gone I could find someone to keep them. I had already said going in that I didn't want to be stuck in the bed unless it was absolutely necessary for baby's safety. However after watching baby for a while he looks fine and if I hold the monitor tightly on him during contractions he does just fine. I am finally allowed off the IV and the monitors. Which I had to have the IV to see if fluids would change his decels.
I labored off of them for awhile in the room alone, which actually was really nice. I was on my own and no one to bother me. The nurse did come in every 30 minutes to monitor me. She got me the birthing ball and I sat on that most of the time just texting people to pass the time. I finally found somewhere for the boys to go so that they didn't have to be there. Which I am so glad I did. Evie was my awesome help that day. Tony finally got back around 3:30. I had been checked earlier and was at a 5. Not long after he came back baby had another decel and that was the end of my no monitoring. I was hooked back up and had my IV back in. From about that point on the nurse never left because my midwife and nurse were really trying to honor my wishes of no drugs and no being stuck in bed. I was checked around 4 and was 6-7. When the midwife was leaving this time I said ok see you in an hour and you can break my water, that way I can have the baby around 6. At about 5:15 she came back in to break my water. That on it's own presented to be a challenge because the bad didn't want to break. She tried with the hook, but was unsuccessful. She used an internal fetal monitor to poke an hole in hopes that the hole would cause them to drain. From about this point on she didn't leave the room and the nurse didn't at all. I was 7-8 when she "broke" my water and with each contraction fluid came out.
The nurse spent most of her time holding the baby monitor on my stomach as with some contractions he was still deceling. I was very tired by this point and was ready to get this over with which was what my goal was. However after my water was broken contractions spaced out a bit. However things were still going fine. But I was in tons of pain and was stuck in the bed because I couldn't get my body to get out of it. The only relief was with each contraction more fluid would come out which took away some of the pain. Had baby not had decels I could have labored in the tub. Thanks Zander ;)
This was a very painful hour and a half until baby was born. I wasn't feeling the urge to push, so it made pushing that much harder. Oh and did I mention baby wasn't facing the right way. Which may have been what took him so long to enter into my pelvis. They rolled me and he came down a bit, but they were about to begin forcing me to push cause baby needed out. His heart rate continued have big decels and he was only going to be safer out than in. At this point the midwife began forcing me to push and they got the squatting bar and had me put my feel on it and pull on a towel for counter pressure. It wasn't long about 3 big pushes and 2 more and he was out even though it was very hard he finally came out @1838. He had the cord loosely wrapped around his neck 2xs which must have been what was causing his decels. They placed him on my stomach and I was allowed to cut the cord. He wasn't crying as much as they wanted so I just handed him off so that they could get him taken care of. He was a tiny little thing.
They finally got him weighed and he was 7lbs 10.2 oz. Which I was hoping for a smaller one like this. He was 20.9 inches long. He has a full head of beautiful dirty blond hair.
It took me a while to recover from this delivery although easy it was a bit fast there at the end. The midwife just kept apologizing for having to force me to push as they prefer to let baby and mom work together through that phase. However Tony was right over there to hold the little guy and baby was content with that. It was good for both of them since Tony missed Zavier's birth and was the only help I had at this one. After about an hour I was finally able to take baby and get him nursed and get me some food. I sent Tony off to go get the boys so that they could meet him that day. I then got up and cleaned up and moved to the room where we would be until discharge the next day.
This morning was different as pretty instantly they were more painful than before, but less frequent. We hung around the house and I decided to get in the tub. I laid in the tub for about an hour which was a very nice hour as contractions picked up a bit, but were manageable with the water. We decided that we should probably get it together and go back to the hospital as we live 40 mins away and with any pressure I let it happen. We get there around noon and I get hooked up to the monitors and right away in came the midwife because with the contraction baby's heart had a decel. She went ahead and checked me and I was only a 3-4 which when I was there before I was only a 3. I thought this is going to take forever if all the contractions I have been having and no change. As the midwife chatted with me so that she could watch him during the contractions he again would decel with contractions, but come right back up and be just fine.
With the decels the midwife decided that we wouldn't be leaving. She normal would have sent me to walk, but at this point baby wasn't allowed off the monitors. We were staying and having a baby.
I get my labs done and get changed and then they finally move me into my room that he will be born in where Tony and the boys are already waiting. The plan was just to watch baby and wait for my body to do it's thing. We decide that Tony should leave and feed the boys and hopefully while he was gone I could find someone to keep them. I had already said going in that I didn't want to be stuck in the bed unless it was absolutely necessary for baby's safety. However after watching baby for a while he looks fine and if I hold the monitor tightly on him during contractions he does just fine. I am finally allowed off the IV and the monitors. Which I had to have the IV to see if fluids would change his decels.
I labored off of them for awhile in the room alone, which actually was really nice. I was on my own and no one to bother me. The nurse did come in every 30 minutes to monitor me. She got me the birthing ball and I sat on that most of the time just texting people to pass the time. I finally found somewhere for the boys to go so that they didn't have to be there. Which I am so glad I did. Evie was my awesome help that day. Tony finally got back around 3:30. I had been checked earlier and was at a 5. Not long after he came back baby had another decel and that was the end of my no monitoring. I was hooked back up and had my IV back in. From about that point on the nurse never left because my midwife and nurse were really trying to honor my wishes of no drugs and no being stuck in bed. I was checked around 4 and was 6-7. When the midwife was leaving this time I said ok see you in an hour and you can break my water, that way I can have the baby around 6. At about 5:15 she came back in to break my water. That on it's own presented to be a challenge because the bad didn't want to break. She tried with the hook, but was unsuccessful. She used an internal fetal monitor to poke an hole in hopes that the hole would cause them to drain. From about this point on she didn't leave the room and the nurse didn't at all. I was 7-8 when she "broke" my water and with each contraction fluid came out.
The nurse spent most of her time holding the baby monitor on my stomach as with some contractions he was still deceling. I was very tired by this point and was ready to get this over with which was what my goal was. However after my water was broken contractions spaced out a bit. However things were still going fine. But I was in tons of pain and was stuck in the bed because I couldn't get my body to get out of it. The only relief was with each contraction more fluid would come out which took away some of the pain. Had baby not had decels I could have labored in the tub. Thanks Zander ;)
This was a very painful hour and a half until baby was born. I wasn't feeling the urge to push, so it made pushing that much harder. Oh and did I mention baby wasn't facing the right way. Which may have been what took him so long to enter into my pelvis. They rolled me and he came down a bit, but they were about to begin forcing me to push cause baby needed out. His heart rate continued have big decels and he was only going to be safer out than in. At this point the midwife began forcing me to push and they got the squatting bar and had me put my feel on it and pull on a towel for counter pressure. It wasn't long about 3 big pushes and 2 more and he was out even though it was very hard he finally came out @1838. He had the cord loosely wrapped around his neck 2xs which must have been what was causing his decels. They placed him on my stomach and I was allowed to cut the cord. He wasn't crying as much as they wanted so I just handed him off so that they could get him taken care of. He was a tiny little thing.
They finally got him weighed and he was 7lbs 10.2 oz. Which I was hoping for a smaller one like this. He was 20.9 inches long. He has a full head of beautiful dirty blond hair.
It took me a while to recover from this delivery although easy it was a bit fast there at the end. The midwife just kept apologizing for having to force me to push as they prefer to let baby and mom work together through that phase. However Tony was right over there to hold the little guy and baby was content with that. It was good for both of them since Tony missed Zavier's birth and was the only help I had at this one. After about an hour I was finally able to take baby and get him nursed and get me some food. I sent Tony off to go get the boys so that they could meet him that day. I then got up and cleaned up and moved to the room where we would be until discharge the next day.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I always knew it was true...
That Tony just doesn't listen to me. So that's it fine I'll quit talking to him. I left a box packed full of baby stuff that I needed for the baby in the first few days. Since our Household stuff won't be here until after Zander, I left them for Tony to mail. (However at this point I don't see him coming, but that is another story). I told him which box it was when I left and it actually sat behind the front door for about a week before I left. I guess I just assumed he knew when I said the box by the door. Well I did pack another box of food up encase they wouldn't take food so that we didn't have to waste it. Apparently that is what he fucking mailed me. Either way I haven't seen it either, but are you fucking serious. How hard is it to pay attention to me for one fucking minute.
Today I had a dr appt, the wonderful 39 week one (That I hoped I wouldn't have to go to) and when I got home he asked about it, but I've finally decided I am done. Why keep wasting my breath and energy on someone who apparently is never listening. He has been really good through this pregnancy before I left, but since then I'm just done dealing with him and his bull shit. You're a fucking adult. Could you attempt to take care of your adult responsibilities before you worry about playing some fucking video game or being bored.
Tony has also annoyed me because I don't feel like he appreciates all that I did in the process of moving. Yeah I did it and really it wasn't too big of deal to me for the most part, but now that he's here and I want him to do this or that with me he again acts like a big baby. Whatever I don't have a sympathetic bone in my body so he should probably quit cause it just makes me mad as heck.
Today I had a dr appt, the wonderful 39 week one (That I hoped I wouldn't have to go to) and when I got home he asked about it, but I've finally decided I am done. Why keep wasting my breath and energy on someone who apparently is never listening. He has been really good through this pregnancy before I left, but since then I'm just done dealing with him and his bull shit. You're a fucking adult. Could you attempt to take care of your adult responsibilities before you worry about playing some fucking video game or being bored.
Tony has also annoyed me because I don't feel like he appreciates all that I did in the process of moving. Yeah I did it and really it wasn't too big of deal to me for the most part, but now that he's here and I want him to do this or that with me he again acts like a big baby. Whatever I don't have a sympathetic bone in my body so he should probably quit cause it just makes me mad as heck.
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