Just keep trying...

I'm reading the new Duggar book and I am enjoying reading it. It is so encouraging and positive to read. I love large families and I love that they are sharing the dynamics of theirs and how they make it look like it's running so smooth. While I'm sure they have moment when there house isn't running smooth or there house is over run my mess and total chaos, they make it look so easy on TV. I've been trying to use her not yelling idea and to speak to my kids in a soft tone. To work on my patients when speaking and dealing with the kids, but mine seem to have no idea how to listen to a person talk in a normal voice.
I attempted this with all the boys last night and while I was able to do it with the younger 3, Zachary wasn't having it. He was going to disobey over and over to see how far I would go. I must say I made it through without hurting him but he did have to have several timeouts to make it through. I am going to work on behavior jars this week and hope that we can keep up with them enough to cut out some of the yelling and fighting it takes to get the boys to obey.
I didn't do so well with Zavier today as he has already been in time out 3 times today. While I don't mind putting them in timeout, Zavier won't even stand appropriately and so when I'm trying not to spank or yell that make it very difficult.
 Zander isn't doing well either, because no matter how busy I keep him he still finds time to get in trouble. Then Zavier gets in trouble for hurting Zander for being a toddler and it's just a not pretty cycle. For the moment Zander is on my lap combing his hair and Zavier is watching TV peacefully for a few minutes.
And my attitude was so excited this morning.

I woke up in a good mood and everyone did most of what they were asked without many reminders and then it started.

Tony's parents sent a card for Zavier's birthday, a walmart gift card and a "family" check for Christmas. It came the day Tony was  sleeping after working a 24 hour shift and so as to not get in a fight about it, I had held off on talking about it. While there isn't much to talk about overall, I don't want the check. We are doing so well financially right now and are headed into an even better place in the next 30 days, we just don't need it. We're going to be completely debt free in less than 40 days and I want to do it on our own since we worked so hard paying off the van in Feb of last year. I don't know his parents financial situation and it isn't my business, but I know we're not in need. Well this morning as we were texting about the gift card since we buy all cash and gift cards from our kids and put the money into their savings. I was just making sure he didn't want the card for anything in particular cause I was needing a few items from walmart.
However this morning when I went to the car, I noticed that the envelope from the ILS was misplaced slightly from the last time I saw it. No one else drives my car and my kids don't mess with stuff in the front seat. They are in such a hurry to get out of the car that they barely remember their own stuff. I picked up the envelope and looked inside the huge hole that the post office tore in the envelope and the check had magically disappeared. Gift card was still there as was the card from the envelope.
I can only assume that Tony took it and while it is his. I don't want it and I don't want the money spent by us. He doesn't need it and he ruins all that I wanted to do for him when we get to be debt free next month. I am heavily considering not buying him the laptop he needs to deploy and turning into a super bitch over this. I am tired of him doing this shit behind my back and treating me like a fucking idiot. The whole I didn't take it, did you look on the seat, etc...it's all bull shit.
 I was so happy with him today and for the last few weeks. We've been communicating well and working well together and now it's not the same. I'm not sure what he is claiming happened to the fucking check, but it didn't walk away and I never even took it out of the envelope. I hope he enjoys letting this stupid fucking money ruin what was going so well, because I don't by the bull shit that it just up and walked away.
It is things like this that keep me from wanting any relationship with his family for me and the kids. He acts like a little fucking child whenever anything to do with them comes up and it is highly unattractive at all. While he has being the man down in most situations in our lives he can't get over the "money gifts" from mommy.
So I guess I should be careful of people breaking in my car now to steal a check and leave a gift card. Seems logical.