I wasn't ready.

For this deployment. I feel like so many little things are going wrong that Tony usually takes care of for me or is at least around to help me with. Most of it is petty small stuff and so far God has answered all my prayers. However right now Abbie has the cold the boys had when Tony left and I am worried about her. While I think she will be fine the more I research the more I worry. I am praying for her and keeping a close eye on her. Tonight she and I took a bath and sat in the steam and since then she hasn't coughed. She isn't fussy and is quite pleasant. Peeing and pooping and eating like normal. However since we still don't have a birth certificate (another frustrating story) I can't just make the baby a dr appt. I have to take her to urgent care or the ER. I am going to take her either way just so that we don't have to take her over the weekend. I really think this is a waiting game as it took the boys about 8-10 days to run its course. I just need my husband. I wasnt ready for him to leave me. I can't say I ever would be. I feel like I am juggling and I have more balls than I can keep in the air. And I just don't have the support system I had last deployment and much more responsibility than last time. I just want a smooth deployment on this end and his as well. I really feel like my faith is being tested and I know I rely on God more when Tony is gone. So far God is rocking this for me if he could just heal my baby girl. Nothing else matters to me but my kids and I just want to be able to cuddle and love all 5 of them at the same time. While I am just one person all I want to do is be surrounded by my kids having fun and making positive memories to get through until daddy is back.