A long time

it's been a long time coming, but I knew it would. I haven't blogged since August because I like to say whatever I want and since I was keeping a secret from people I chose not to blog. However now that I've shared my wonderful secret I need to blog cause I don't know what to do with all the thoughts going on in my head. And well blogging is easier than therapy.
So the big secret...  baby number 5 is coming in April. While I was almost instantly excited all the nay-sayers really bring down ones joy and excitement about a new baby. I am now 18 weeks tomorrow and am very excited to get through this last pregnancy. I really wanted to blog the whole thing because it has certainly been a crazy emotion filled ride so far that I wanted to remember everything about this one. The biggest difference with this one so far is the amount of time I have spent sick. I can't remember how much time I spent sick with Zander,  but I am pretty sure it wasn't this long and his was quite tolerable. I nearly went days with almost no food, because any food made me feel sick. I even went as far as to get prescription meds for nausea this time. I lost some weight and last check I hadn't gained any back, but at least now I eat. I still eat too much or the wrong thing and then feel sick for many hours afterwards. Even tonight I feel sick and all I ate was a corned beef sandwich 3 1/2 hours ago. And it's given me an edge of heart burn.
While not suffering I do get really excited about this baby. While not sure how I'm going to handle having 5 kids by myself since Tony will deploy within the same time frame as the baby is due. I just feel unsettled here. I don't really like the house and I can't keep up with it. I just need to declutter, but I don't seem to know how. where do you put things you might need later? I know I probably don't need all the things I think I do, but I do try to throw stuff out occasionally.
I'm also really worried about being out here all the way away from family while Tony is gone. I know I was further in Germany, but I had tons of friends there. I could always find someone to do something with, but out here I haven't been able to find that. I have a few people I know and a few friends, but everyone here is so busy because of the difference in lifestyle compared to those in Germany who didn't have as much going on.
I miss my hubby right now while he's away at NTC. I do enjoy the quiet time I have in the evening after the kids are in bed. Not that he ever doesn't let me do what I want, but it's just different. The house does stay a bit more picked up, but not much.
Our ultrasound for the baby isn't until Dec 2nd. So I have until then to decide if I want to know the sex or not. I would really love to wait, but I think the anxiety just might eat me alive if I don't go ahead and find out.

Almost forgot...

Tomorrow is the big 1!

That is right Tomorrow my littlest baby turns 1. He has become quite his own person and amazes me almost daily with his abilities.
He sat early on, crawled right behind that and started walking at 11 months. He is just amazing to me. We have taught him a few signs which he uses, but not when he's frusterated. He signs milk and more. He has learned to point also to get what he wants. He has already began his toddler fit throwing and will throw himself down on the floor and hit his head. While he's using it to get his way all he really gets is people moving away from him. ;) He can empty the bookshelf in no time flat. Climbs in the dishwasher, empties the kitchen cabinets, and turns the TV channel when people are watching it. He is just a total handful. However I've said all along he is just taking it all in between everything he sees his brothers do to him and each other. He just may be the worst one knowing that he's learned from the best.

This week at wic he weighed 21 lbs 10 oz and was 28 ?? inches. They basically told me he was short and fat. But he's just all handsome and busy. He totally just cheesed it up for that picture.

Birthdays suck.

I'm tired of having birthdays. I guess I need to realize they are no different than any other day of the week, at least mine isn't. While I try to do special things for Tony's and the boy's birthdays, my birthday is just a day for the 5 of them to relax and complain. The boys have tried extra hard not to listen or do as I ask today, and I went to bed with no clean laundry to fold and a clean down stairs, you wouldn't know that now. I've done the dishes, washed my bedding, washed Zachary's bedding, and Zander's diapers. I then took the boys to the events at the library and then we went to the movies. Since then Tony has spent quality time playing a video game, taking a relaxing bath and wandering aimlessly through the house. The kids have trashed the back yard and the living room. Now I'm just trying to leave the house to do something alone, but now Tony is going to mow the yard and leaving the baby alone in the house. Guess I either don't get to go or I get to take him with me.
I just asked for one dang thing for my birthday, an oil change in my car. I just wanted Tony to take it and do it. Other than offering on the 3rd to do it on the 4th when I thought they would possibly be closed he obviously has no intentions of doing that for me. I knew I should have just taken it last Thursday when the place was empty.
July 6th is just like any ordinary day at our house.

meeting new people

I've been trying to meet up with some new people from post. I want to know more people here so that I can decide if I want to stay here, move to post, or go home when Tony deploys. There seem to be many people out here and I'm always finding people that live in the area. I have a play date set up with another mom with 4 boys on Thursday. And then another one I met said she wanted to get together and meet new people, but then when I message her about doing anything she doesn't seem to want to commit which is fine. However today when she responded she mentioned that she is looking for people to do an under 4 playdate with. I guess I understand, but that's weird. All boys cool, large families cool, but all little kids makes me wonder what people think of older kids. lol

Father's Day Weekend

I took a step back and let my hubby be in charge more than usual. I went to the dr and grocery shopping on friday, COMPLETELY ALONE. Tony picked up the kids and took them home. He put his grill together that we got him for father's day. Friday night we had a wonderful night as a family. We put up the pool, and grilled hamburgers, hotdogs, and zucchini. I made potato salad and we ate outside. Zayden said it was his best day ever. We just hung out there for a bit before we came in and shuffled everyone off to bed.
Saturday we got up and I made biscuits and gravy, packed our lunches and then we headed up to Seattle to the Museum of Flight. Using a special for military families got in for free. We spent several hours walking around looking at the airplanes plus they had a special thing going on outside with helicopters, and other emergency equipment that the kids could actually get in and touch. Zavier's favorite part was driving the firetruck. Then before we left we went in the old Air Force One plane from the 70's.
Sunday we just hung out at home, but I loved it because Tony didn't make it miserable for me. As in he didn't just sit and act like a king all day. I know that is part of the idea of Father's day, but the kids don't stop being kids for a day. I spent some time sewing and the kids and Tony spent some time playing DS.
Today is the big boys last day of school. They only have a half day so I will go here shortly to pick them up bring them home and feed them. Wanting to do either a beach or zoo trip this week to celebrate the end of year.

Can't decide

I just can't decide what I want to do for the boys for school next year. If I send them back to Ft. Stevens I will need to go in and have a meeting with the principal about the bitch from next door and not allowing her access to my children. I love them and want to spend more time with them, but how will I manage schooling 2 entertaining another and having a toddler running around. I know people do it all the time I could manage. I just hate that if I say anything to my mother or sister they will be negative about me keeping the kids at home. As if public schools are the best thing on earth. Tony doesn't ever seem to care about what I do with the kids and my local friends are like oh I can't teach my kids, they would drive me crazy. I also just don't know because we may or may not move and Tony won't help me decide about that either. I'm left to all these decisions and I don't know what to do. I wish I could find a local church to attend. I guess I just wish there was more to do here in Yelm so I didn't have to drive far. I'm sitting here thinking there wasn't much to do in Germany either, but I had tons of friends and I had church and PWOC.
I also have to drive to post to shop. I tried going back to walmart today for my grocery shopping, but everything was so much more money here than on post. I knew I would go broke if I did the shopping that I need to do.

Totally crushed me...

Tonight was the pizza party for Zachary's baseball team. The kids had pizza and then they did the awards. Well as the kids came up, one of the 2 assistant coaches would say something about each one. Now most of the comments were geared to be funny. Soandso was good at blah blah, and even though he didn't something he did this well. Zachary was about half way through and neither of them could come up with anything to say about him. I'm sorry he didn't always want to be there and he didn't always listen, but you can't think of anything to say. Are you fucking kidding me? They even talked about how some of the kids didn't listen or were bossy, but nothing about Zachary. One of them did wisper in his ear to keep his hand out of his pocket cause he often had his hand in his back pocket. I cried on the way home even though he wasn't with me because it really upset me. So glad the season is over and if he doesn't want to go with his team to the playoffs then I won't make him, they obviously don't value him on the team.
I was proud that in the last game he had 2 RBI's and he scored himself, so I guess in the end he wasn't the worst player.