That is drive myself crazy. I can't ever just make a simple decision no matter what. I'm even worse when it comes to spending money. I rationalize with myself that it's ok and then later get pissed because we owe more than I would like on debts. However the army did a really good job helping us into this corner where we now have debt other than our car again. Sending us overseas without the correct paperwork has been expensive seriously. I know they want you pay for things up front, but why can't they front the freaking cost? If they pay for our plane tickets the army owes us about $4000 or more for this freaking move. When Tony goes to sign in the process will begin for some reimbursements, but still this sucks not knowing.
Tony is also unhelpful when trying to make decisions. He won't ever help me rationalize the correct choice and instead decides he just wants to argue with me. I feel like I have to make every decision, because his response to everything is I don't care. Well could you care a little bit and make this easier for me? Then he'll get stuck on something and be inflexible about options. I hate this silence that comes with it. Stop playing the dang facebook games and discuss this with me. Whatever I know it's probably the wrong choice as most choices I make are wrong.
Oh well I passed this on to Tony so he can decide and do something about it. Now lets talk about my handsome princes.
Zander is so far still an excellent baby. Beginning to prefer mommy to hold him all the time at night, but he sleeps. He doesn't like to nurse laying down, but sometimes I can trick him into it.
Zavier is just funny. We got a new box in the mail today and he has taken it over to replace his broken one from before. It won't last too long with the abuse it takes, but he enjoys it.
Zayden had his kindergarten round up yesterday. The teachers seemed ok from a distance. We shall see what he really ends up with. He had to go with each of them to go over things he knows. He didn't really want to, but was finally convinced that he would go. I think he did ok.
Zachary is bored out of his mind and I don't really know how to help that. I don't have anything to offer him to do. We have nothing still and won't know if we do until Tony goes to sign in later today. Yesterday Zachary told us that if we didn't let him go out front he was running away. Then we made him stay inside upstairs for "fear" (or a good lesson) about running away.
I want so bad to get up and leave the house with the kids, but I can't and I hate it. It is driving me crazy slowly. And them too. The kids don't all fit in the explorer unless I put one upfront and I don't really want to do that unless I have to. And now that Tony is going back to work he'll be taking the car. The van is still somewhere on a boat. Again the shit the army does to people. They won't pay for us to have a rental so here we sit. Hoping that monday I can get a sitter for Zachary and Tony can come home and get us so that I can take the baby to his well baby appointment.
I'm off to have a pitty party just like everyday for the last 3 weeks.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
He is here and
He is absolutely beautiful. He is so far been a wonderful baby, good sleeper, good eater, and just overall easy for mommy. He was born on August 14th 2010 @1838 after checking in to the hospital at noon that day. We had gone in around 3 Am on the 13th with constant contractions 2 minutes apart for over 2 hours, but by the time we got there that day they were gone. I was so exhausted that when they said I could go home I did and I slept. I had been telling myself he was going to be born on the 13th and with that first trip I thought awesome right on, but after going home that morning nothing was happening. I spent most of that day with NO contractions after having so many before. However looking back I know now that they weren't that painful. lol I went to bed that night very disappointed since that was the day I wanted him to be born. I slept from about midnight until sometime after 4 when I was again woken from sleep with a contraction.
This morning was different as pretty instantly they were more painful than before, but less frequent. We hung around the house and I decided to get in the tub. I laid in the tub for about an hour which was a very nice hour as contractions picked up a bit, but were manageable with the water. We decided that we should probably get it together and go back to the hospital as we live 40 mins away and with any pressure I let it happen. We get there around noon and I get hooked up to the monitors and right away in came the midwife because with the contraction baby's heart had a decel. She went ahead and checked me and I was only a 3-4 which when I was there before I was only a 3. I thought this is going to take forever if all the contractions I have been having and no change. As the midwife chatted with me so that she could watch him during the contractions he again would decel with contractions, but come right back up and be just fine.
With the decels the midwife decided that we wouldn't be leaving. She normal would have sent me to walk, but at this point baby wasn't allowed off the monitors. We were staying and having a baby.
I get my labs done and get changed and then they finally move me into my room that he will be born in where Tony and the boys are already waiting. The plan was just to watch baby and wait for my body to do it's thing. We decide that Tony should leave and feed the boys and hopefully while he was gone I could find someone to keep them. I had already said going in that I didn't want to be stuck in the bed unless it was absolutely necessary for baby's safety. However after watching baby for a while he looks fine and if I hold the monitor tightly on him during contractions he does just fine. I am finally allowed off the IV and the monitors. Which I had to have the IV to see if fluids would change his decels.
I labored off of them for awhile in the room alone, which actually was really nice. I was on my own and no one to bother me. The nurse did come in every 30 minutes to monitor me. She got me the birthing ball and I sat on that most of the time just texting people to pass the time. I finally found somewhere for the boys to go so that they didn't have to be there. Which I am so glad I did. Evie was my awesome help that day. Tony finally got back around 3:30. I had been checked earlier and was at a 5. Not long after he came back baby had another decel and that was the end of my no monitoring. I was hooked back up and had my IV back in. From about that point on the nurse never left because my midwife and nurse were really trying to honor my wishes of no drugs and no being stuck in bed. I was checked around 4 and was 6-7. When the midwife was leaving this time I said ok see you in an hour and you can break my water, that way I can have the baby around 6. At about 5:15 she came back in to break my water. That on it's own presented to be a challenge because the bad didn't want to break. She tried with the hook, but was unsuccessful. She used an internal fetal monitor to poke an hole in hopes that the hole would cause them to drain. From about this point on she didn't leave the room and the nurse didn't at all. I was 7-8 when she "broke" my water and with each contraction fluid came out.
The nurse spent most of her time holding the baby monitor on my stomach as with some contractions he was still deceling. I was very tired by this point and was ready to get this over with which was what my goal was. However after my water was broken contractions spaced out a bit. However things were still going fine. But I was in tons of pain and was stuck in the bed because I couldn't get my body to get out of it. The only relief was with each contraction more fluid would come out which took away some of the pain. Had baby not had decels I could have labored in the tub. Thanks Zander ;)
This was a very painful hour and a half until baby was born. I wasn't feeling the urge to push, so it made pushing that much harder. Oh and did I mention baby wasn't facing the right way. Which may have been what took him so long to enter into my pelvis. They rolled me and he came down a bit, but they were about to begin forcing me to push cause baby needed out. His heart rate continued have big decels and he was only going to be safer out than in. At this point the midwife began forcing me to push and they got the squatting bar and had me put my feel on it and pull on a towel for counter pressure. It wasn't long about 3 big pushes and 2 more and he was out even though it was very hard he finally came out @1838. He had the cord loosely wrapped around his neck 2xs which must have been what was causing his decels. They placed him on my stomach and I was allowed to cut the cord. He wasn't crying as much as they wanted so I just handed him off so that they could get him taken care of. He was a tiny little thing.
They finally got him weighed and he was 7lbs 10.2 oz. Which I was hoping for a smaller one like this. He was 20.9 inches long. He has a full head of beautiful dirty blond hair.
It took me a while to recover from this delivery although easy it was a bit fast there at the end. The midwife just kept apologizing for having to force me to push as they prefer to let baby and mom work together through that phase. However Tony was right over there to hold the little guy and baby was content with that. It was good for both of them since Tony missed Zavier's birth and was the only help I had at this one. After about an hour I was finally able to take baby and get him nursed and get me some food. I sent Tony off to go get the boys so that they could meet him that day. I then got up and cleaned up and moved to the room where we would be until discharge the next day.
This morning was different as pretty instantly they were more painful than before, but less frequent. We hung around the house and I decided to get in the tub. I laid in the tub for about an hour which was a very nice hour as contractions picked up a bit, but were manageable with the water. We decided that we should probably get it together and go back to the hospital as we live 40 mins away and with any pressure I let it happen. We get there around noon and I get hooked up to the monitors and right away in came the midwife because with the contraction baby's heart had a decel. She went ahead and checked me and I was only a 3-4 which when I was there before I was only a 3. I thought this is going to take forever if all the contractions I have been having and no change. As the midwife chatted with me so that she could watch him during the contractions he again would decel with contractions, but come right back up and be just fine.
With the decels the midwife decided that we wouldn't be leaving. She normal would have sent me to walk, but at this point baby wasn't allowed off the monitors. We were staying and having a baby.
I get my labs done and get changed and then they finally move me into my room that he will be born in where Tony and the boys are already waiting. The plan was just to watch baby and wait for my body to do it's thing. We decide that Tony should leave and feed the boys and hopefully while he was gone I could find someone to keep them. I had already said going in that I didn't want to be stuck in the bed unless it was absolutely necessary for baby's safety. However after watching baby for a while he looks fine and if I hold the monitor tightly on him during contractions he does just fine. I am finally allowed off the IV and the monitors. Which I had to have the IV to see if fluids would change his decels.
I labored off of them for awhile in the room alone, which actually was really nice. I was on my own and no one to bother me. The nurse did come in every 30 minutes to monitor me. She got me the birthing ball and I sat on that most of the time just texting people to pass the time. I finally found somewhere for the boys to go so that they didn't have to be there. Which I am so glad I did. Evie was my awesome help that day. Tony finally got back around 3:30. I had been checked earlier and was at a 5. Not long after he came back baby had another decel and that was the end of my no monitoring. I was hooked back up and had my IV back in. From about that point on the nurse never left because my midwife and nurse were really trying to honor my wishes of no drugs and no being stuck in bed. I was checked around 4 and was 6-7. When the midwife was leaving this time I said ok see you in an hour and you can break my water, that way I can have the baby around 6. At about 5:15 she came back in to break my water. That on it's own presented to be a challenge because the bad didn't want to break. She tried with the hook, but was unsuccessful. She used an internal fetal monitor to poke an hole in hopes that the hole would cause them to drain. From about this point on she didn't leave the room and the nurse didn't at all. I was 7-8 when she "broke" my water and with each contraction fluid came out.
The nurse spent most of her time holding the baby monitor on my stomach as with some contractions he was still deceling. I was very tired by this point and was ready to get this over with which was what my goal was. However after my water was broken contractions spaced out a bit. However things were still going fine. But I was in tons of pain and was stuck in the bed because I couldn't get my body to get out of it. The only relief was with each contraction more fluid would come out which took away some of the pain. Had baby not had decels I could have labored in the tub. Thanks Zander ;)
This was a very painful hour and a half until baby was born. I wasn't feeling the urge to push, so it made pushing that much harder. Oh and did I mention baby wasn't facing the right way. Which may have been what took him so long to enter into my pelvis. They rolled me and he came down a bit, but they were about to begin forcing me to push cause baby needed out. His heart rate continued have big decels and he was only going to be safer out than in. At this point the midwife began forcing me to push and they got the squatting bar and had me put my feel on it and pull on a towel for counter pressure. It wasn't long about 3 big pushes and 2 more and he was out even though it was very hard he finally came out @1838. He had the cord loosely wrapped around his neck 2xs which must have been what was causing his decels. They placed him on my stomach and I was allowed to cut the cord. He wasn't crying as much as they wanted so I just handed him off so that they could get him taken care of. He was a tiny little thing.
They finally got him weighed and he was 7lbs 10.2 oz. Which I was hoping for a smaller one like this. He was 20.9 inches long. He has a full head of beautiful dirty blond hair.
It took me a while to recover from this delivery although easy it was a bit fast there at the end. The midwife just kept apologizing for having to force me to push as they prefer to let baby and mom work together through that phase. However Tony was right over there to hold the little guy and baby was content with that. It was good for both of them since Tony missed Zavier's birth and was the only help I had at this one. After about an hour I was finally able to take baby and get him nursed and get me some food. I sent Tony off to go get the boys so that they could meet him that day. I then got up and cleaned up and moved to the room where we would be until discharge the next day.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I always knew it was true...
That Tony just doesn't listen to me. So that's it fine I'll quit talking to him. I left a box packed full of baby stuff that I needed for the baby in the first few days. Since our Household stuff won't be here until after Zander, I left them for Tony to mail. (However at this point I don't see him coming, but that is another story). I told him which box it was when I left and it actually sat behind the front door for about a week before I left. I guess I just assumed he knew when I said the box by the door. Well I did pack another box of food up encase they wouldn't take food so that we didn't have to waste it. Apparently that is what he fucking mailed me. Either way I haven't seen it either, but are you fucking serious. How hard is it to pay attention to me for one fucking minute.
Today I had a dr appt, the wonderful 39 week one (That I hoped I wouldn't have to go to) and when I got home he asked about it, but I've finally decided I am done. Why keep wasting my breath and energy on someone who apparently is never listening. He has been really good through this pregnancy before I left, but since then I'm just done dealing with him and his bull shit. You're a fucking adult. Could you attempt to take care of your adult responsibilities before you worry about playing some fucking video game or being bored.
Tony has also annoyed me because I don't feel like he appreciates all that I did in the process of moving. Yeah I did it and really it wasn't too big of deal to me for the most part, but now that he's here and I want him to do this or that with me he again acts like a big baby. Whatever I don't have a sympathetic bone in my body so he should probably quit cause it just makes me mad as heck.
Today I had a dr appt, the wonderful 39 week one (That I hoped I wouldn't have to go to) and when I got home he asked about it, but I've finally decided I am done. Why keep wasting my breath and energy on someone who apparently is never listening. He has been really good through this pregnancy before I left, but since then I'm just done dealing with him and his bull shit. You're a fucking adult. Could you attempt to take care of your adult responsibilities before you worry about playing some fucking video game or being bored.
Tony has also annoyed me because I don't feel like he appreciates all that I did in the process of moving. Yeah I did it and really it wasn't too big of deal to me for the most part, but now that he's here and I want him to do this or that with me he again acts like a big baby. Whatever I don't have a sympathetic bone in my body so he should probably quit cause it just makes me mad as heck.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
down
I'm so down today. I don't know why it was over all a good day. I had a dr appt and everything is fine, but since they won't set me up with an induction it makes me nervous. I know baby will come when he is ready, but I don't want Tony to miss it because he has to keep the boys. But I can't settle for just anyone anywhere to keep my boys. I just don't leave them. The neighbors have offered, but will be out of town the weekend after Tony gets here which is when I would like Zander to come along. Why does the Army have to be so dang difficult? Don't they deal with unique situations all the time requiring special help? I mean we have to rent a car, find childcare, and I'm just miserable a lot. I mean everything is fine, but my pelvic bone hurts, my sciatic nerve hurts. I don't want him early, but just a date within the week of the 18th would be great. Whatever I again feel like I'm being screwed by the army, but what more could you expect from the Army. They just keep telling me that well someone should help you, you fucking think? They keep asking isn't there anyone that can come from MO to help you? Well idiots if I have nothing scheduled what the hell are they coming for weeks until baby makes his appearance on his own. They are really just ignorant. I should have looked for something better. I know army hospitals aren't about the patients, I should have picked one that is.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Changes...
My how things have changed. I am still waiting for my regular internet so I can actually watch some TV online since it's so boring here. I mean we keep busy, but passing time is hard. Kids have gotten tons of outside toys so that they at least have something to do. We moved into our really nice house on the 12th of July. Loving the house, however the kids seem to be fearful when I send them up or down stairs where everyone else is not. However I'm hoping once it's not so open and our stuff gets here it won't bother them as much. As of now Zachary is going to have his own room, Zayden and Zavier are going to share and Zander will be in with us. The master bedroom is huge and will have plenty of space. We ordered our washer and dryer last week and they finally came today so I'm doing a weeks worth of laundry today. I know I should space it out to keep my busy, but I hate the big pile of clothes. We ended up with a nice set of LG front loaders as I was after the sanitary cycle as well as the savings on water. Household goods were finally picked up from Germany yesterday and should take about 8-10 weeks to get here. Not so bad I guess, but by that point it will be almost 4 months since the kids and I left our household stuff behind.
Tony flies on Aug 5th and after that I am evicting this baby. I'm hoping for an induction that I'll be asking about at my appt tomorrow. We're going to have to rent a car to get the baby home since we'll have 4 boys, Tony and I and the explorer only seats 5. We'll probably rent one for a while so that we're not stuck at home during Tony's leave. He won't sign into post until Sept 5th I believe. He tacked on his paternity leave for an extra 10 days. I just hope I get an induction happy dr at the appt tomorrow. I'm done, which I know everyone is at this point, but the baby goes back and forth on my sciatic nerves and I feel like he's crushing my pelvic bone. I won't be doing it too early, but the more help I can get from Tony the better.
The weather here in Washington is nice. Most days there is no need for an a/c, which I haven't turned on in the house at all. Occasionally in the afternoons in the car I require some a/c, but for the most part it's very tolerable here. The kids are in the pool today and I'm pretty sure they are very cold. lol
Well I'm off to find something else to do as I am bored. Stefanie gets back in country tomorrow after her almost 2 years overseas. I think she is excited. However it's too bad she wouldn't come and visit us.
Tony flies on Aug 5th and after that I am evicting this baby. I'm hoping for an induction that I'll be asking about at my appt tomorrow. We're going to have to rent a car to get the baby home since we'll have 4 boys, Tony and I and the explorer only seats 5. We'll probably rent one for a while so that we're not stuck at home during Tony's leave. He won't sign into post until Sept 5th I believe. He tacked on his paternity leave for an extra 10 days. I just hope I get an induction happy dr at the appt tomorrow. I'm done, which I know everyone is at this point, but the baby goes back and forth on my sciatic nerves and I feel like he's crushing my pelvic bone. I won't be doing it too early, but the more help I can get from Tony the better.
The weather here in Washington is nice. Most days there is no need for an a/c, which I haven't turned on in the house at all. Occasionally in the afternoons in the car I require some a/c, but for the most part it's very tolerable here. The kids are in the pool today and I'm pretty sure they are very cold. lol
Well I'm off to find something else to do as I am bored. Stefanie gets back in country tomorrow after her almost 2 years overseas. I think she is excited. However it's too bad she wouldn't come and visit us.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Day 1
Of traveling from MO to WA with the 3 kids at 33 weeks pregnant. So far so freaking long. Our 9 hour drive took 11 hours and it was our shortest day. AHHHH. We finally get here and meet Aunt Chris and Uncle Mitch at the local Lowe's. They need a few items and I don't want to sit in a hotel with 3 kids who have been trapped in a car all day. After that we head to dinner at Red Robin. The kids are crazily out of control. All over the other family members and standing in the bench. We survive dinner and Chris and Mitch invite us out to play at a park near there house while Mitch and Josiah unload their Lowe's Purchases from earlier. However as soon as we get to the park Zavier has an accident, and not a good one. I have tons of clothes in the car, but only the cheap wipes nothing that will make a dent in this mess. Zayden also needs to go to the bathroom, so I clean up (to the best of my abilities) Zavier and Chris walks Zayden up to their house. I end up leaving Zavier covered in poop and just put clean clothes over him and load him into the car to go to the hotel. Now just what does one do with 2 poopy outfits and shoes in a hotel? (I didn't want to have to use Chris' brand new washer to clean these clothes) So when I get back to the hotel I wash the poopy clothes and shoes in the bathroom sink and then rinse them in the shower. Now over night they were hung to dry, but aren't quite there yet.
This mornings adventure consist of going down to breakfast where it sucked so the kids were just eating cereal. However when Zavier was carrying his back up to the room (cause he wouldn't sit still and eat) he tripped getting on the elevator spilling his bowl of cereal and his half cup of milk. I just picked up the cereal and went on.
I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to drive about 1 1/2 hours tonight to North Colorado to make the day shorter tomorrow. If 9 hours takes 11, what is 10 going to take me? We'll end in Idaho tomorrow night before going all the way to Washington on Tuesday.
This mornings adventure consist of going down to breakfast where it sucked so the kids were just eating cereal. However when Zavier was carrying his back up to the room (cause he wouldn't sit still and eat) he tripped getting on the elevator spilling his bowl of cereal and his half cup of milk. I just picked up the cereal and went on.
I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to drive about 1 1/2 hours tonight to North Colorado to make the day shorter tomorrow. If 9 hours takes 11, what is 10 going to take me? We'll end in Idaho tomorrow night before going all the way to Washington on Tuesday.
Monday, June 28, 2010
I can't do this
Deal with all the drama that comes from people here in KC. I'm definitely counting down the days until I leave. Why is it so bad that I want what is best for my family. Yes others may not think I know what is best, but I do. I do not have it in me with all the moving stuff I have going on to deal with the childish drama. I'm 25 years old and I don't want to play the "well you did it first game". Are you fucking kidding me that is what my children do and I don't like that either. I can't hardly get 5 minutes alone and I don't mean without my children I mean from others. I'm an emotional wreck and I need time alone to recuperate. I also need to talk to my husband alone so I can get his support on my emotional wreck. He has been my rock through this pregnancy and is doing his best. He told me I didn't have to deal with some of the drama that has presented itself today, but I will have to do something with it. However I am not going to deal with it on my own and I will not deal with it until my husband calls me and we discuss it.
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