First night on my own

Trying to get everyone home and in bed while Tony pulls CQ tonight. After school is always rough or anytime Zander wants to be held since I can't get as much done while holding him. I've taken to wearing him in the moby or my lucky sling, but unpacking is challenging with him on my chest. However he has been such a good baby the last 2 days and slept almost all day in the swing only getting up to eat every 4 hours. I don't like to put him off, but getting back to this baby thing is more different than I thought. To make up for it though I sit and hold him in the evenings. The goal is just to get through their folders and get their reading done. We got that done after school and they catch an episode of something on netflix. Then tonight we got a few more boxes unpacked and headed to meet up with Tony for dinner. Got there and ate dinner where all the boys were exceptionally well behaved.
Now getting home was a different story. Zander was hungry and I was trying to get everyone in and get undressed so I could start laundry before I went upstairs. They did and came upstairs. The problems arose when I needed to go to the bathroom and get some of my shirts off to nurse Zander. Zachary tries to hold him and make him happy, but that doesn't work often. lol I had told the boys they could watch one episode of tv if they all got ready without me yelling at them. They did pretty well so they got to watch one episode of Arthur. I nursed Zander while they watched TV. When I said go get in bed they all did as asked and I think I only yelled at them once to be quiet. Then they were out. Zander again got upset when I went to the bathroom again, but he finally passed out in the bed next to me. Just got to go put him in bed.
Not to bad, can't get much done in the house when the baby is awake and these boxes are driving me nuts. I did manage to get 5 done today even though I was sick and slept for 3 hours this morning. Yesterday knocked out 10 and 10 loads of laundry and got Zavier's room completely done. There is just not enough hours in my day at this point.

Bulbs?

Really that is as good as a fundraiser the booster club could come up with? I guess I'll get one, may have to get two if it ends up being Zayden's fundraiser also. And the prizes for selling stuff suck. The prize is a stupid smencil. What is a smencil you ask? A scented pencil. Why would I want to buy a bunch of flower bulbs when I could just buy the kids a pencil or smencil?

Zayden pitched a fit about doing his reading homework today. He hates homework. I asked him if he wanted me to just tell his teacher that and he finally sat down to suffer through listening to me read to him for 15 mins.

I'm still trying to find sports/activities for the kids to get into, but at 35/45 per kid it will be expensive. The cost I can swing if I can just find the activities. There is basketball offered, but not until 2nd grade, so Zachary could play but not the other 2.

I wanted to go to the fair today as military get in free and it's $2 ride/food day, but Tony didn't seem to really want to go and the boys didn't seem excited to go so instead we just came home. I still want to go to the Mercy Me concert at the fair next thursday, but I would be going with one of the kids. Not that I don't want to take one of the kids I know they would have fun.

I think I need to start getting the house ready for the household goods. There isn't much to clean, but I think I should do some. It will be so different when the only furniture in the house isn't upstairs in my room. I would like to clean the carpets, but I would need my carpet cleaner ;).

Seriously

Could this get any worse. Today my phone got a good fucking washing in the washing machine. Doesn't work yet, but enough to call Tony. I just don't get why this stupid shit keeps happening. We got our car on Thursday and again like shipping it to Germany it had damage. But what else do you do besides take the fucking check that is offered, suck it up and move on. It's not enough damage to actually go fix it just like last time, but every time I turn around something is happening to that van. I do want to go in and get the dent pulled out where someone hit it just days after Tony came back from Iraq, but that cost money. Money we don't have because again we just have to bend over and let the Army fuck us again. They are still fighting about paying for the kids and my flight back to the states, but were they going to help me get the fuck out before I medically couldn't fly anymore? NOPE. Whatever I'm over it I'll just accept that we will always be broke and because of that I won't get any more kids that I may want later in life because Tony doesn't like being broke all the time.
This move has just sucked since we still don't have beds or furniture. The kids have just about had all they can take. However it should be here by next monday and if Tony will get me the number to the transportation office I will be getting my stuff by monday.
The bigger boys did start school this past week. Zachary had a great first day, but wasn't so excited on day 2. Zayden seemed to like kindergarten. I guess the school is ok, but it has a horrible pick up policy. You have to wait for the kids and sign them out with all the other parents that are picking up. It is a mess and I have yet to find an easy way for it to go. There has been much more going on, but I'm done bitching for this moment.

And should I add that the airbed has holes in it and new ones pop up almost daily. Tony has taken to sleep on the futon, cause I have to sleep on the air bed so I have room to nurse at night. Do you know how mad it makes a person to wake up closer to the floor than they went to sleep? Some mornings I am all the way on the floor. I think from now on we'll be doing DITY moves.

I do it to myself...

That is drive myself crazy. I can't ever just make a simple decision no matter what. I'm even worse when it comes to spending money. I rationalize with myself that it's ok and then later get pissed because we owe more than I would like on debts. However the army did a really good job helping us into this corner where we now have debt other than our car again. Sending us overseas without the correct paperwork has been expensive seriously. I know they want you pay for things up front, but why can't they front the freaking cost? If they pay for our plane tickets the army owes us about $4000 or more for this freaking move. When Tony goes to sign in the process will begin for some reimbursements, but still this sucks not knowing.

Tony is also unhelpful when trying to make decisions. He won't ever help me rationalize the correct choice and instead decides he just wants to argue with me. I feel like I have to make every decision, because his response to everything is I don't care. Well could you care a little bit and make this easier for me? Then he'll get stuck on something and be inflexible about options. I hate this silence that comes with it. Stop playing the dang facebook games and discuss this with me. Whatever I know it's probably the wrong choice as most choices I make are wrong.

Oh well I passed this on to Tony so he can decide and do something about it. Now lets talk about my handsome princes.

Zander is so far still an excellent baby. Beginning to prefer mommy to hold him all the time at night, but he sleeps. He doesn't like to nurse laying down, but sometimes I can trick him into it.
Zavier is just funny. We got a new box in the mail today and he has taken it over to replace his broken one from before. It won't last too long with the abuse it takes, but he enjoys it.
Zayden had his kindergarten round up yesterday. The teachers seemed ok from a distance. We shall see what he really ends up with. He had to go with each of them to go over things he knows. He didn't really want to, but was finally convinced that he would go. I think he did ok.
Zachary is bored out of his mind and I don't really know how to help that. I don't have anything to offer him to do. We have nothing still and won't know if we do until Tony goes to sign in later today. Yesterday Zachary told us that if we didn't let him go out front he was running away. Then we made him stay inside upstairs for "fear" (or a good lesson) about running away.

I want so bad to get up and leave the house with the kids, but I can't and I hate it. It is driving me crazy slowly. And them too. The kids don't all fit in the explorer unless I put one upfront and I don't really want to do that unless I have to. And now that Tony is going back to work he'll be taking the car. The van is still somewhere on a boat. Again the shit the army does to people. They won't pay for us to have a rental so here we sit. Hoping that monday I can get a sitter for Zachary and Tony can come home and get us so that I can take the baby to his well baby appointment.

I'm off to have a pitty party just like everyday for the last 3 weeks.

He is here and

He is absolutely beautiful. He is so far been a wonderful baby, good sleeper, good eater, and just overall easy for mommy. He was born on August 14th 2010 @1838 after checking in to the hospital at noon that day. We had gone in around 3 Am on the 13th with constant contractions 2 minutes apart for over 2 hours, but by the time we got there that day they were gone. I was so exhausted that when they said I could go home I did and I slept. I had been telling myself he was going to be born on the 13th and with that first trip I thought awesome right on, but after going home that morning nothing was happening. I spent most of that day with NO contractions after having so many before. However looking back I know now that they weren't that painful. lol I went to bed that night very disappointed since that was the day I wanted him to be born. I slept from about midnight until sometime after 4 when I was again woken from sleep with a contraction.

This morning was different as pretty instantly they were more painful than before, but less frequent. We hung around the house and I decided to get in the tub. I laid in the tub for about an hour which was a very nice hour as contractions picked up a bit, but were manageable with the water. We decided that we should probably get it together and go back to the hospital as we live 40 mins away and with any pressure I let it happen. We get there around noon and I get hooked up to the monitors and right away in came the midwife because with the contraction baby's heart had a decel. She went ahead and checked me and I was only a 3-4 which when I was there before I was only a 3. I thought this is going to take forever if all the contractions I have been having and no change. As the midwife chatted with me so that she could watch him during the contractions he again would decel with contractions, but come right back up and be just fine.
With the decels the midwife decided that we wouldn't be leaving. She normal would have sent me to walk, but at this point baby wasn't allowed off the monitors. We were staying and having a baby.

I get my labs done and get changed and then they finally move me into my room that he will be born in where Tony and the boys are already waiting. The plan was just to watch baby and wait for my body to do it's thing. We decide that Tony should leave and feed the boys and hopefully while he was gone I could find someone to keep them. I had already said going in that I didn't want to be stuck in the bed unless it was absolutely necessary for baby's safety. However after watching baby for a while he looks fine and if I hold the monitor tightly on him during contractions he does just fine. I am finally allowed off the IV and the monitors. Which I had to have the IV to see if fluids would change his decels.

I labored off of them for awhile in the room alone, which actually was really nice. I was on my own and no one to bother me. The nurse did come in every 30 minutes to monitor me. She got me the birthing ball and I sat on that most of the time just texting people to pass the time. I finally found somewhere for the boys to go so that they didn't have to be there. Which I am so glad I did. Evie was my awesome help that day. Tony finally got back around 3:30. I had been checked earlier and was at a 5. Not long after he came back baby had another decel and that was the end of my no monitoring. I was hooked back up and had my IV back in. From about that point on the nurse never left because my midwife and nurse were really trying to honor my wishes of no drugs and no being stuck in bed. I was checked around 4 and was 6-7. When the midwife was leaving this time I said ok see you in an hour and you can break my water, that way I can have the baby around 6. At about 5:15 she came back in to break my water. That on it's own presented to be a challenge because the bad didn't want to break. She tried with the hook, but was unsuccessful. She used an internal fetal monitor to poke an hole in hopes that the hole would cause them to drain. From about this point on she didn't leave the room and the nurse didn't at all. I was 7-8 when she "broke" my water and with each contraction fluid came out.

The nurse spent most of her time holding the baby monitor on my stomach as with some contractions he was still deceling. I was very tired by this point and was ready to get this over with which was what my goal was. However after my water was broken contractions spaced out a bit. However things were still going fine. But I was in tons of pain and was stuck in the bed because I couldn't get my body to get out of it. The only relief was with each contraction more fluid would come out which took away some of the pain. Had baby not had decels I could have labored in the tub. Thanks Zander ;)
This was a very painful hour and a half until baby was born. I wasn't feeling the urge to push, so it made pushing that much harder. Oh and did I mention baby wasn't facing the right way. Which may have been what took him so long to enter into my pelvis. They rolled me and he came down a bit, but they were about to begin forcing me to push cause baby needed out. His heart rate continued have big decels and he was only going to be safer out than in. At this point the midwife began forcing me to push and they got the squatting bar and had me put my feel on it and pull on a towel for counter pressure. It wasn't long about 3 big pushes and 2 more and he was out even though it was very hard he finally came out @1838. He had the cord loosely wrapped around his neck 2xs which must have been what was causing his decels. They placed him on my stomach and I was allowed to cut the cord. He wasn't crying as much as they wanted so I just handed him off so that they could get him taken care of. He was a tiny little thing.

They finally got him weighed and he was 7lbs 10.2 oz. Which I was hoping for a smaller one like this. He was 20.9 inches long. He has a full head of beautiful dirty blond hair.

It took me a while to recover from this delivery although easy it was a bit fast there at the end. The midwife just kept apologizing for having to force me to push as they prefer to let baby and mom work together through that phase. However Tony was right over there to hold the little guy and baby was content with that. It was good for both of them since Tony missed Zavier's birth and was the only help I had at this one. After about an hour I was finally able to take baby and get him nursed and get me some food. I sent Tony off to go get the boys so that they could meet him that day. I then got up and cleaned up and moved to the room where we would be until discharge the next day.

I always knew it was true...

That Tony just doesn't listen to me. So that's it fine I'll quit talking to him. I left a box packed full of baby stuff that I needed for the baby in the first few days. Since our Household stuff won't be here until after Zander, I left them for Tony to mail. (However at this point I don't see him coming, but that is another story). I told him which box it was when I left and it actually sat behind the front door for about a week before I left. I guess I just assumed he knew when I said the box by the door. Well I did pack another box of food up encase they wouldn't take food so that we didn't have to waste it. Apparently that is what he fucking mailed me. Either way I haven't seen it either, but are you fucking serious. How hard is it to pay attention to me for one fucking minute.
Today I had a dr appt, the wonderful 39 week one (That I hoped I wouldn't have to go to) and when I got home he asked about it, but I've finally decided I am done. Why keep wasting my breath and energy on someone who apparently is never listening. He has been really good through this pregnancy before I left, but since then I'm just done dealing with him and his bull shit. You're a fucking adult. Could you attempt to take care of your adult responsibilities before you worry about playing some fucking video game or being bored.
Tony has also annoyed me because I don't feel like he appreciates all that I did in the process of moving. Yeah I did it and really it wasn't too big of deal to me for the most part, but now that he's here and I want him to do this or that with me he again acts like a big baby. Whatever I don't have a sympathetic bone in my body so he should probably quit cause it just makes me mad as heck.

down

I'm so down today. I don't know why it was over all a good day. I had a dr appt and everything is fine, but since they won't set me up with an induction it makes me nervous. I know baby will come when he is ready, but I don't want Tony to miss it because he has to keep the boys. But I can't settle for just anyone anywhere to keep my boys. I just don't leave them. The neighbors have offered, but will be out of town the weekend after Tony gets here which is when I would like Zander to come along. Why does the Army have to be so dang difficult? Don't they deal with unique situations all the time requiring special help? I mean we have to rent a car, find childcare, and I'm just miserable a lot. I mean everything is fine, but my pelvic bone hurts, my sciatic nerve hurts. I don't want him early, but just a date within the week of the 18th would be great. Whatever I again feel like I'm being screwed by the army, but what more could you expect from the Army. They just keep telling me that well someone should help you, you fucking think? They keep asking isn't there anyone that can come from MO to help you? Well idiots if I have nothing scheduled what the hell are they coming for weeks until baby makes his appearance on his own. They are really just ignorant. I should have looked for something better. I know army hospitals aren't about the patients, I should have picked one that is.