Saturday, May 29, 2010

Why is the end of the week so busy?

Is it because I put things off? Is it because I have all these people home in this tiny space we call home? I still don't know why, but it happens that I end up doing school work on the weekends when I don't during the week. But what the heck am I busy doing all the time? I don't even know what consumes most of my time, but I'm guessing dealing with the kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, extra sleep while I grow my little human, grocery shopping and eating. This week I know I've been extra tired so two mornings I just slept. Which is nice, but my sleep sucks. I have unpleasant dreams and I usually get up 2-3 or more times a night so I have at least 2 disturbing dreams and it just ruins the whole sleep process.
This pregnancy has just been rough on my body. While there are days another baby after this one wouldn't be so bad, but I'm scared of another pregnancy. I almost feel useless sometimes and I'm never comfortable and I have to do this another 11 weeks. And I want to keep him in for a while. I'm sure I'll struggle until near the end and then it will be fine and baby won't want to come out and I'll be overdue. But that's ok baby and I have a day he can't be born on. I feel it's satan's day in a why. However I have prepared myself that it is a possibility and I will deal with it as I need to.
Why is my brain so crazy? It just seems to go from one thing to the next. I have noticed the people here in Schweinfurt lately have been increasingly annoying and rude. Does it seem like the pregnant lady with 3 kids wants to wait onger while you let your friend cut in line just to get some cigarettes? But then what about you who doesn't even have the $1.90 in your account to pay for the drink you so desperately needed. Then the person behind the pregnant lady with 3 kids can't hold her shit until it's her turn and asked my kid to move so she can put her shit down. Seriously wait a fucking minute. You can pick up your twizzlers when it's your turn. And then the wonderful cashier who has to guess how old the boys are and then says "oh another one" yeah another one scan my shit so I can get out of here already.
Well I must make this crazy insane brain stop. So I want some food and I should get some. But what...

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