I've become that wife

That whiny, complaining, bitching wife about my husband being gone and how much it sucks. I hate that I've become that. There should be no excuse for it because I often tell other spouses each place you go is what you make it.

The weather here is just so sucky again this year that we can't even go outside. I haven't spoken to Tony since he left other than one attempt at a skype call a few days after he left. We did spring recently for him to buy phone minutes for Zayden's birthday next week. Hopefully getting to talk to him so will cheer me up.

While I wouldn't change having 5 kids, having 5 kids by myself is not really hard, but quite repetitive. I feel like all I do is change poopy diapers. I do at least 4 a day between the 2 little ones. I'm going to potty train Zander just for a break of changing poopy diapers. lol The bigger kids are so far off the listening track that I don't know if they'll ever find it again. They know when I ask them something that I'm tied up with a baby or dinner or laundry or something so that I can't get up chase them down and force them to do what I asked so they just do NOTHING. I've tried reasoning with them and rewarding them and punishing them, but when I punish them it's really more of a punishment for me. (no TV, DS, whatever) Even spanking them hurts my hand more than their bum. I rely on that TV because that is the only way I can occupy them all at the same time so that I get anything done or take care of the baby. I hate the TV. I'm already planning for the summer to be get up, dressed (which they don't like to do now) watch TV until breakfast and then they each have to do 20/30 minutes of reading before they are allowed to do whatever they want.

I'm quite lonely here and don't get enough adult conversation in. People keep saying well just come hang out here. Sorry but I'm not going to just show up at someone's house with 2/3/5 kids in tow to hang out. I'm so glad my mom will be here in 23 days. Then I'll at least have someone to talk to and hold Abbie so I can get things done for the other kids when they need it. I did learn that another mom in the loop with one kid's hubby is deployed too so hopefully we can do some stuff this summer. I can totally say the winter is going to suck being here all by myself, but Stef is coming Sept and Dec and Mom is coming back in Oct-Nov so then I just have to make it to January.

Another friend with a deployed spouse commented that she hates wishing away time for her husband to be home. I feel like that all the time. While I'm so excited for him to come home I hate how fast the time with my kids is going. Zachary is almost 10 and Abbie is already 9 almost 10 weeks old. They are just getting so big so fast and I want to sit back and take it all in, but I feel like I'm just running around trying to pass the time until Tony returns. We certainly do have good times while he's gone, but they are surrounded by the same old survival routine. Maybe the weather will clear up once school is out so we can enjoy some outdoor activities.