Is it because I put things off? Is it because I have all these people home in this tiny space we call home? I still don't know why, but it happens that I end up doing school work on the weekends when I don't during the week. But what the heck am I busy doing all the time? I don't even know what consumes most of my time, but I'm guessing dealing with the kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, extra sleep while I grow my little human, grocery shopping and eating. This week I know I've been extra tired so two mornings I just slept. Which is nice, but my sleep sucks. I have unpleasant dreams and I usually get up 2-3 or more times a night so I have at least 2 disturbing dreams and it just ruins the whole sleep process.
This pregnancy has just been rough on my body. While there are days another baby after this one wouldn't be so bad, but I'm scared of another pregnancy. I almost feel useless sometimes and I'm never comfortable and I have to do this another 11 weeks. And I want to keep him in for a while. I'm sure I'll struggle until near the end and then it will be fine and baby won't want to come out and I'll be overdue. But that's ok baby and I have a day he can't be born on. I feel it's satan's day in a why. However I have prepared myself that it is a possibility and I will deal with it as I need to.
Why is my brain so crazy? It just seems to go from one thing to the next. I have noticed the people here in Schweinfurt lately have been increasingly annoying and rude. Does it seem like the pregnant lady with 3 kids wants to wait onger while you let your friend cut in line just to get some cigarettes? But then what about you who doesn't even have the $1.90 in your account to pay for the drink you so desperately needed. Then the person behind the pregnant lady with 3 kids can't hold her shit until it's her turn and asked my kid to move so she can put her shit down. Seriously wait a fucking minute. You can pick up your twizzlers when it's your turn. And then the wonderful cashier who has to guess how old the boys are and then says "oh another one" yeah another one scan my shit so I can get out of here already.
Well I must make this crazy insane brain stop. So I want some food and I should get some. But what...
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Another Boy
So my friend Denise was hoping that her 3rd baby was going to be a girl, but she is going on boy number 3. But anymore my outlook is a healthy baby is a good thing and sex is just and extra bonus to know. I love my little man and can't wait to meet him. I think since I was there with her expecting boy number 4 she couldn't be too upset cause this was only her third boy. However I was honest with her that I'm not sad he's a boy, but why do others seem to get their preference when I don't have one, but Tony does. My husband wanted a girl and there are times I do struggle with the fact that I can't seem to give him one. I know I know men pick the sex, but also the host environment (uterus) can welcome or reject one sex of sperm. And clearly my uterus kills of the little girly sperm and only allows the boy sperm to meet the egg. Whatever babies are what they are and are loved either way.
Tony is still not home today and it's 7:30 P.M. Why you ask? Cause the entitled ex-Battalion commander needed a ride to a ceremony that is 2 hours away and then a ride to the airport which is the opposite way of the first location, 2 hours from here. When I talked to him at 4:30 P.M. he was still sitting at the first location. I feel bad for Tony. While he's a good driver, it's not his thing. He is content to ride along. At least he has a second driver to split the driving with.
I sure do love my little boys. I get a few minutes away occasionally and all I want to do while I'm gone is go get them. I miss them when they are at school too. I'm looking forward to the kids being out of school. We can sleep in and just hang out all day everyday. I know that they will drive me nuts at some point, but we're all looking forward to baby Zander coming. We'll spend a bit of time finishing up preparing for Zander and getting all his stuff cleaned and his bed put together and his swing and carseat. The kids will enjoy helping with those things because they all seem very excited to meet him.
Well I need to get some school work done so that I pass this class. Don't want to get stuck doing it all this weekend since Tony will be off Fri-Mon and the kids are off Mon.
Here is a pic just for fun.
Tony is still not home today and it's 7:30 P.M. Why you ask? Cause the entitled ex-Battalion commander needed a ride to a ceremony that is 2 hours away and then a ride to the airport which is the opposite way of the first location, 2 hours from here. When I talked to him at 4:30 P.M. he was still sitting at the first location. I feel bad for Tony. While he's a good driver, it's not his thing. He is content to ride along. At least he has a second driver to split the driving with.
I sure do love my little boys. I get a few minutes away occasionally and all I want to do while I'm gone is go get them. I miss them when they are at school too. I'm looking forward to the kids being out of school. We can sleep in and just hang out all day everyday. I know that they will drive me nuts at some point, but we're all looking forward to baby Zander coming. We'll spend a bit of time finishing up preparing for Zander and getting all his stuff cleaned and his bed put together and his swing and carseat. The kids will enjoy helping with those things because they all seem very excited to meet him.
Well I need to get some school work done so that I pass this class. Don't want to get stuck doing it all this weekend since Tony will be off Fri-Mon and the kids are off Mon.
Here is a pic just for fun.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Fun days together
Yesterday was such a busy day here. But it wasn't as if we were home taking care of weekly cleaning and laundry, we spent the day at a birthday party. I enjoy going to events where the whole family can have fun. The kids got to play with water balloons and water guns. They were soaked, but had fun. Zavier isn't much of a get me wet person and prefers to stay dry on the edge of the fun. Zayden can't keep his body temp up once he's wet so he begins to shiver with the tiniest bit of shade. However they just kept going and went for hours like that. They came home grabbed a sandwich and passed out because they were so tired.
On Saturday we had an interesting discovery. lol Zavier's shoes had been snug on his toes for a while, but mommy finally felt bad enough that she got him out the next size. What is the next size? An 11. They look so big on his feet, but they won't last too long even. With this bit of growth he has passed up Zayden who is content in his size 10's. Zachary has pretty good size feet also.
Friday Dan Crow played at the boys school so Zavier and I joined in. Dan Crow sings silly songs for kids and was in the Milo and Otis movie soundtrack. The kids in each group were so happy to listen and laugh. I spent the morning in Zayden's class and then since they only had one teacher, Zavier and I joined Zayden and his class in the cafeteria for lunch like the big kids. I was glad that I got to be involved in that since we don't get to eat with Zayden like we do Zachary.
This weekend is memorial day weekend, but I don't know what days the kids are out of school. Tony has a four day, but not to sure about the kids. I don't know what we can do to keep busy because I hate to sit at home for 4 days. Not that we have money to go and do anything, but I would maybe like to go get the new book shelf I want. However that requires going to get a VAT form and enough euro to pay for it and with no money that makes it hard, but the old book shelf is about to just contain a book pile.
Tony and I talked about baby names again yesterday. We're set on Zander, but middle names have been a struggle since we don't "love" anything at this point. We had talked about naming the baby Aaron, so that is possibly the first middle name. I also like Kade as a second middle name since I won't be using my names for any other children and Kade is similar to Katie. But neither are we completely decided on. But for now the plan is Zander Aaron Kade Hannasch. But I can't keep forcing Tony to talk about it if I'm going to change my mind since that drives him crazy.
Well I finally got this weeks assignments for class so I'm going to get started so we can do something other than school work this weekend.
On Saturday we had an interesting discovery. lol Zavier's shoes had been snug on his toes for a while, but mommy finally felt bad enough that she got him out the next size. What is the next size? An 11. They look so big on his feet, but they won't last too long even. With this bit of growth he has passed up Zayden who is content in his size 10's. Zachary has pretty good size feet also.
Friday Dan Crow played at the boys school so Zavier and I joined in. Dan Crow sings silly songs for kids and was in the Milo and Otis movie soundtrack. The kids in each group were so happy to listen and laugh. I spent the morning in Zayden's class and then since they only had one teacher, Zavier and I joined Zayden and his class in the cafeteria for lunch like the big kids. I was glad that I got to be involved in that since we don't get to eat with Zayden like we do Zachary.
This weekend is memorial day weekend, but I don't know what days the kids are out of school. Tony has a four day, but not to sure about the kids. I don't know what we can do to keep busy because I hate to sit at home for 4 days. Not that we have money to go and do anything, but I would maybe like to go get the new book shelf I want. However that requires going to get a VAT form and enough euro to pay for it and with no money that makes it hard, but the old book shelf is about to just contain a book pile.
Tony and I talked about baby names again yesterday. We're set on Zander, but middle names have been a struggle since we don't "love" anything at this point. We had talked about naming the baby Aaron, so that is possibly the first middle name. I also like Kade as a second middle name since I won't be using my names for any other children and Kade is similar to Katie. But neither are we completely decided on. But for now the plan is Zander Aaron Kade Hannasch. But I can't keep forcing Tony to talk about it if I'm going to change my mind since that drives him crazy.
Well I finally got this weeks assignments for class so I'm going to get started so we can do something other than school work this weekend.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Memorable moments
Why is it I forget so many of the memorable moments I should remember from day to day? I think my brain has given up on working all the time and just does what is necessary to get from day to day.
Tony worked all night last night so I was on duty for getting the kids to school this morning, but also trying to get to PWOC on time. I hate that part only cause to walk Zayden to school, which he has to be, I have to dress myself and Zavier in a timely fashion to get him there on time. Tony usually does the honors as he gets home about 10 minutes before they have to be there, but on the special days I get to take them.
Well this morning after taking the bigger boys to school the house was back to just me and little Zavier. I was in the bathroom curling my hair and was almost ready to go when Zavier came in. I fixed his hair a bit so the front stood up and sprayed it a little with hair spray. He was all handsome looking and I felt for once that I had some sort of civilized look going on and Zavier walks up to me pulls up the bottom of my shirt and kisses my belly. It was such a picture perfect moment, but because it was just he and I there is no picture of it.
Zavier is the one to most notice my stomach and talk to it and say he hears the baby in there. Sometimes the baby is talking to him, which does worry me. Zavier is always in my bubble and he and Zander (I think will be baby's name) often battle for space in and outside me. Even now as I type this Zavier is on me as much as he can get since I keep pushing him off to type. It's not like he and I haven't had enough space sharing time today since I spent a good amount of time telling him a story and then giving him a nap on my lap. However I can't complain other that the squishing of what is a fragile belly this time. He won't want to be so close to me always now will he. (However if he wasn't also licking my hair I would be ok with that also)
Sometimes I wonder why he's perceived as my favorite, but he's just the one here with me all the time. He and I almost never part and he had a heck of a time adjusting to me gone for 4 days last week.
I do remember from before I left Zachary telling me it wasn't fair that the baby got to go with me, as in the baby in my belly. Zachary is so silly sometimes. But I love his craziness.
Yesterday by this time I was exhausted and was heading to bed, but tonight because I took a nap earlier I'm not so tired, but clearly neither is Zavier.
I'm only taking one class at a time right now and now I'm in my myth class. I'm only taking it because it meets a requirement and it's a 4 week class so I'll be done before the next one starts in June. However I hate stuff like this because I don't believe in urban legends or myths for the most part. Being as that I am a Christian that seems to be what I stick with when basing my feelings on outside topics.
Well I would like to be alone for a little bit and since the other 2 boys are in bed and Tony is in bed since he didn't sleep all day, it's time for Zavier to go back to his room. I've had enough hair licking for tonight.
Tony worked all night last night so I was on duty for getting the kids to school this morning, but also trying to get to PWOC on time. I hate that part only cause to walk Zayden to school, which he has to be, I have to dress myself and Zavier in a timely fashion to get him there on time. Tony usually does the honors as he gets home about 10 minutes before they have to be there, but on the special days I get to take them.
Well this morning after taking the bigger boys to school the house was back to just me and little Zavier. I was in the bathroom curling my hair and was almost ready to go when Zavier came in. I fixed his hair a bit so the front stood up and sprayed it a little with hair spray. He was all handsome looking and I felt for once that I had some sort of civilized look going on and Zavier walks up to me pulls up the bottom of my shirt and kisses my belly. It was such a picture perfect moment, but because it was just he and I there is no picture of it.
Zavier is the one to most notice my stomach and talk to it and say he hears the baby in there. Sometimes the baby is talking to him, which does worry me. Zavier is always in my bubble and he and Zander (I think will be baby's name) often battle for space in and outside me. Even now as I type this Zavier is on me as much as he can get since I keep pushing him off to type. It's not like he and I haven't had enough space sharing time today since I spent a good amount of time telling him a story and then giving him a nap on my lap. However I can't complain other that the squishing of what is a fragile belly this time. He won't want to be so close to me always now will he. (However if he wasn't also licking my hair I would be ok with that also)
Sometimes I wonder why he's perceived as my favorite, but he's just the one here with me all the time. He and I almost never part and he had a heck of a time adjusting to me gone for 4 days last week.
I do remember from before I left Zachary telling me it wasn't fair that the baby got to go with me, as in the baby in my belly. Zachary is so silly sometimes. But I love his craziness.
Yesterday by this time I was exhausted and was heading to bed, but tonight because I took a nap earlier I'm not so tired, but clearly neither is Zavier.
I'm only taking one class at a time right now and now I'm in my myth class. I'm only taking it because it meets a requirement and it's a 4 week class so I'll be done before the next one starts in June. However I hate stuff like this because I don't believe in urban legends or myths for the most part. Being as that I am a Christian that seems to be what I stick with when basing my feelings on outside topics.
Well I would like to be alone for a little bit and since the other 2 boys are in bed and Tony is in bed since he didn't sleep all day, it's time for Zavier to go back to his room. I've had enough hair licking for tonight.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Handsome baby boy #4
It was great to get to see my belly baby today. You could see just in his face how much growth he has had in 4 weeks. I would love to have more pics and a Cd or DVD at some point, but I guess I'll have to ask. He looks just like all his brothers did inside which makes me wonder do all babies just look very similar inside?
I still however find him very handsome and can't wait to see he ends up looking like. Since Zavier took after Zachary very much I'm wondering if this baby will look like Zayden. I have wanted all along for this baby to have Zayden's temperament as a baby because Zayden was such a good one compared to the others. However at this moment I am totally wondering why I want him to act like Zayden when Zayden has thrown himself on the floor over and over for the past 30 minutes because he's mad.
So why have I kept this baby's sex a secret for the last 10 weeks? I love him so much already I don't wish he was anything else. I dread the "oh were you trying for a girl?" comments. We weren't trying and I'll take a healthy boy over and over again just to be a healthy baby.
I have to find comfort from God knowing that he picked each of my boys to be boys. He clearly knows better than I in what he is doing. So for now on baby number 4 I get to keep being the one and only girl in my house. ;)
I still however find him very handsome and can't wait to see he ends up looking like. Since Zavier took after Zachary very much I'm wondering if this baby will look like Zayden. I have wanted all along for this baby to have Zayden's temperament as a baby because Zayden was such a good one compared to the others. However at this moment I am totally wondering why I want him to act like Zayden when Zayden has thrown himself on the floor over and over for the past 30 minutes because he's mad.
So why have I kept this baby's sex a secret for the last 10 weeks? I love him so much already I don't wish he was anything else. I dread the "oh were you trying for a girl?" comments. We weren't trying and I'll take a healthy boy over and over again just to be a healthy baby.
I have to find comfort from God knowing that he picked each of my boys to be boys. He clearly knows better than I in what he is doing. So for now on baby number 4 I get to keep being the one and only girl in my house. ;)
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