Lost

I just feel lost. I miss my hubby and haven't been able to talk to him for several days now. I Lon for that part of every day. The brigade had their first loss this week so it's rumored that they are on a black out, but hopefully that is over now and I will hear from him tonight. Then there is Abbie. She is such a good baby I don't know if she is ok. She got a sunburn on Friday and has just been sleepy since. Then yesterday she was passed around at the baby shower so she was over stimulated. She hasn't been fussy just nursing less and sleeping more. Do I take her in just cause she is good and I don't know how to parent that? Lol. I have no real friends here as I learned last week so no one but me ever sees Abbie every day and no one else ever cares for her. I just am at a loss and I am in an emotional state cause I miss Tony. I just feel lost here all by myself. The kids aren't listening to me and I don't have help. I am working on more friends, but I just want to stay home and cuddle my princess. I just don't know if she is broken or not. I just keep praying for the knowledge to know and healing for Abbie's sunburn and anything else that may be wrong with her.

7 weeks old

Abbie is now 7 weeks old and she is getting so big. Today I put on a 3 month sleeper on her and she fills that out. She is still an excellent baby. She is sleeping a good 6-9 hour stretch at night and then every 2-3 until we get up. I can't decide if she's just that good or if it's because she's a girl. I must say if she wasn't so good I would be an absolute mess since the only time I get to put her down is when she sleeps. She loves to be held as do most babies. She usually just fusses a bit when she wants something not a full fledged cry. However she is up from her nap now and would like to eat so maybe I'll make it back later to update on the boys.

So flipping bored

I'm so bored. I've cleaned, played with the kids, watched tv, played on my phone, washed my car, fed the baby, changed the baby, got puked on by the baby. But I'm still so bored and missing adult interaction. This next 8 1/2 months is going to suck if I am this bored everyday. I just want my husband back and for us to be bored together. lol
And just like my last blog post all these little things going wrong. I feel like it's the devils way of trying to break me, but I'm still hanging on buddy. Yesterday the car wouldn't start. We know it's time almost for a new battery, but had been putting it off. I guess it is time for me to figure how to replace the car battery. I know it's not hard, but not what I wanted to do with my bored time. ;) Today when we went to get in the van the one door wouldn't open automatically. We checked the track and made sure there was nothing in the way, but it still would only open by hand. Which wouldn't be a problem normally, but that is the door that already has a broken lock.
I am slightly upset at myself because the kids wanted to do something nice for me today by cleaning my van since it didn't get cleaned yesterday at the church car wash. I told them they could do it today since it was supposed to be very warm. However I didn't feel like doing it, but I can't just turn them lose to do it themselves. So I ended up outside cleaning my car. Happy mother's day to myself.
I am thankful that Abbie is starting to take a passy. I am thankful that today Zander sat like a very nice little boy at church so we were able to sit through the sermon. I am thankful that my 3 big boys have good hearts and want to do things for me.
Days like today make me wish I was closer to home so I could hang out with my mom or sister.

I wasn't ready.

For this deployment. I feel like so many little things are going wrong that Tony usually takes care of for me or is at least around to help me with. Most of it is petty small stuff and so far God has answered all my prayers. However right now Abbie has the cold the boys had when Tony left and I am worried about her. While I think she will be fine the more I research the more I worry. I am praying for her and keeping a close eye on her. Tonight she and I took a bath and sat in the steam and since then she hasn't coughed. She isn't fussy and is quite pleasant. Peeing and pooping and eating like normal. However since we still don't have a birth certificate (another frustrating story) I can't just make the baby a dr appt. I have to take her to urgent care or the ER. I am going to take her either way just so that we don't have to take her over the weekend. I really think this is a waiting game as it took the boys about 8-10 days to run its course. I just need my husband. I wasnt ready for him to leave me. I can't say I ever would be. I feel like I am juggling and I have more balls than I can keep in the air. And I just don't have the support system I had last deployment and much more responsibility than last time. I just want a smooth deployment on this end and his as well. I really feel like my faith is being tested and I know I rely on God more when Tony is gone. So far God is rocking this for me if he could just heal my baby girl. Nothing else matters to me but my kids and I just want to be able to cuddle and love all 5 of them at the same time. While I am just one person all I want to do is be surrounded by my kids having fun and making positive memories to get through until daddy is back.

I survived week 1

only 37 1/2 left before he comes home. :)
I feel like it's been a good week. Kids have been ok, I've been ok, house is good. However it has been a bit difficult. Starting the week 2 boys had coughs, finishing the week 3 do. Zander and has had it pretty rough but I think he is teething in addition to the cold and runny nose. Zavier puked one day this week but was most likely caused by coughing. However he was nice enough to do it in the car. As I love puke in my car. I made it to bible study on Wednesday but I don't even feel like I was really there because I spent all my time quieting Abbie and Zander.
Today is Tony's 27th birthday and he is again spending another birthday away. I miss him and I wish I could celebrate his birthday with him. However when he is home we never have anyone to keep the kids so we still don't do anything. But he and I both know we'll get our time together as a couple when our kids are grown or almost grown and he's able to retire in 12 years. ;)
This week also marked 8 years he's been in the military. He left Zachary and I on 4/28/04 to go to basic at Ft. Sill. It will be nice to see the whole month reflected on the May pay check. He has worked super hard in his military career to get us where we are and he is today.
The hardest thing with him gone is I miss my best friend. We didn't start out that way, but we are now. I don't text him all the time at work, but I did get to text him pics when the kids were doing something cute and about once a week he would wake me up with an "I love you" text. Those are the things I miss most. I do have a friend that is filling in slightly but without the "I love you" text. However I don't want to bother her too much and sometimes I feel like I'm just bragging when I text pics of Abbie. I'm not, but I do certainly adore that little princess. ;)