Everyone takes a turn I guess...

This time it is Zachary. He seems to be having a lot of trouble keeping his behavior under control at school. He has become much more disrespectful and difficult at home, but now it's carrying over into school. It has been going on a few weeks, but now the teacher seems to keep calling me. I acknowledged that I know he's having issues mostly emotionally and finding ways to express himself with all the upcoming changes.
We are having a baby and Tony is deploying within the next 30 days. Baby first and then deployment very shortly after. I know he struggles the most when Tony leaves even though, he and Tony aren't super close and I'm still the one that cares for the kids all the time. But he still loves his dad and doesn't like when he's not around. I have explained that to the teacher and that he had issues with the last deployment and I pulled him from school that time.
I am trying to keep him in school this time, but I'm not going to make it if she's calling me all the time to tell me how much he's struggling there. He doesn't like to do his work and he's distractive. It is like he has just checked out of school. There are parts he is excited about like trying to get into the Highly Capable Program for next year and he started going to a deployment group a few weeks ago and he likes that.
I guess I will start out going into see if the counselor does one on one with the kids and if he could do that. I think he just needs an outlet of someone to listen to him. I think it is stress and anxiety related. He plays very much off me and he is unfortunately for him just like me and I am a wee bit stressed with a little high anxiety right now. I don't see this changing for him for at least the rest of the year, so hopefully we can get something worked out so that he can relax a bit and just be a 9 year old.
It is hard because I just want to save him. I just want to go get him and bring him home and spend time with him. But I can't and I want to him to also understand that sometimes we have to do things we don't like to do. He has been keeping his work log and homework a "secret" and saying he doesn't have it when he does. Which this morning earned him a week of being grounded from everything and a whole month from the DS. Which that is hard too because I know he feels like the whole world is working against him right now, but if we don't give him some discipline for lying who knows where that would lead.
I am also going to look into possibly some outside counseling, but I have no interest in medicating him because I think it is all stress and anxiety related and an outside ear will help him. These are some big changes and are tough on everyone especially a 9 year old.