I can't do this

Deal with all the drama that comes from people here in KC. I'm definitely counting down the days until I leave. Why is it so bad that I want what is best for my family. Yes others may not think I know what is best, but I do. I do not have it in me with all the moving stuff I have going on to deal with the childish drama. I'm 25 years old and I don't want to play the "well you did it first game". Are you fucking kidding me that is what my children do and I don't like that either. I can't hardly get 5 minutes alone and I don't mean without my children I mean from others. I'm an emotional wreck and I need time alone to recuperate. I also need to talk to my husband alone so I can get his support on my emotional wreck. He has been my rock through this pregnancy and is doing his best. He told me I didn't have to deal with some of the drama that has presented itself today, but I will have to do something with it. However I am not going to deal with it on my own and I will not deal with it until my husband calls me and we discuss it.

Tomorrow

Is the big day. I will be flying from here to Philadelphia on a 9 hour flight. I will then have an 5 hour layover and then a 3 hour flight to KC. I more stressed over this stupid luggage situation. We can only have one suitcase per person since we're not traveling on order. (Thanks again stupid army.) We could pay if we wanted to, but I'm trying to make do with just 4. That just means I have more stuff to carry on the dang airplane. I now will have Zachary and I a carry on in addition to a backpack for everyone, 2 carseats and a stroller. Just getting on the plane should be a challenge, but it's not like I can't do it. Let's just pray it's as stress-less as possible since I want baby to stay safely tucked inside for the flight and for 9 more weeks. Everything is packed other than the clothes we are wearing today and stuff for me to get ready in tomorrow.

The situation in KC is stressful as well and I don't think mom realizes how much stress she adds to my already overstressed self. I am taking the car that mom has been driving for a year plus now as it is our second car and she will be left without since their other car is apparently having transmission problems. I feel so bad taking the car from her, but at what point do I quit giving up so much for others. My priorites have definantly changed this pregnancy. I am finally feeling that I can't fix all for others and should just work on my kids and my husband. I love my mom and sister, and grandma, but my family now consist of Tony, Zachary, Zayden, Zavier and Zander and they are no longer my accessories while I do all I can to help others.

Tomorrow will be a good day. God will protect us and keep all 6 of us safe as we travel.

Still leaving

Well we really are leaving. I know I want to, but I'm scared to have to go to washington without Tony. I don't know how much I can get done without him and how flexible they will be with me. However in 9 weeks I have to be ready to have a baby and hopefully have a house to bring him home to. I also hope that Tony makes it to Washington before Zander comes. I'm annoyed with this stupid math teacher because I tried explaining that I could find a testing place in Wa, but that I would have 3 kids and no childcare. I don't understand why that part is so important. Fine I'll take the freaking test, but I can't just leave the kids alone.
On post or off I don't care I just want to find something with enough space for 6 people to live in the house and have individual space. I mean how small of a house could they give us since we are a family of 6. I guess I don't really have to claim to know the sex of the baby. I have been asking questions of someone I know in Wa and I don't think she likes it there too well. I've also seen plenty of negativity online in several places. I know it's all about how each individual person deals with where they are, but I don't have the patience or emotional stability to hope that it works out ok for me and the kids. I mean I'm traveling to this place with 3 kids, 7 months pregnant and hoping that housing works out. I'll call housing this week and try to get a gauge of how difficult they could make it for me coming there before Tony gets there. I can't afford to live in a hotel for a month.
Money is my other stressor, I think it will be ok in the end cause I can be cheap when I need to be, but just being sure I have enough to get a place for the kids and I to stay for an unknown amount of nights is scary. I am however constantly turning all these fears I have all the time over to God, because as I said before my emotional stability is a wreck and I can't deal with the unknown very well. It's in God's hands for now and I pray that he places the perfect living situation in my hands when I get to Ft. Lewis.

No freaking way...

We're leaving here in less than 2 1/2 weeks. It was totally unexpected, but since our extension didn't go through we got orders anyway. We could have pushed them, but we got what Tony wanted and he didn't want to lose it. We are going to Ft. Lewis Washington. We are both very excited, it's been emotional for me to deal with all that must be accomplished in the next 2 1/2 weeks so the kids and I can fly by June 24th. That's right I'm preparing to fly over the ocean 32 weeks pregnant with 3 kids by myself. The topper is that then I will spend a handful of days in KC before I spend 3-4 days driving from KC to Washington, likely by myself. Then I plan to get a place to rent and settle in there, enroll the kids and school and wait for Tony to join us at the beginning of August and Zander hopefully shortly after Tony gets there. My relax and enjoy summer was quickly changed last Wednesday with this new information.

All the baby things I will return to the store here (carseat, swing, and pack-n-play) and repurchase since I will need those things ASAP with Zander and I don't know when our household goods will join us. The other thing we have to have for Zander is the van. I will be taking our '99 explorer with me to Washington, but there isn't room for Zander so hopefully the van gets there fast. I don't even know how it will travel all that way, but there is a port there near Ft. Lewis.

I'm spending today preparing since I have 4 boys saving clothes is the best idea, and I always have, but I went down and sorted them all into as few boxes as possible so that Zander can wear all the bigger boys have outgrown. Zayden and Zavier are still making their way through Zachary's clothes, but I pulled out some shorts for Zayden. I hope it's warm enough in Washington for shorts since it's really hot in Missouri and I hate to pack more than I need.

My only downer about this whole moving thing is I would have liked to prepare financially for it. We don't have any extra saved up which means that we will have to pull out the credit card and I don't really want to. We do have a savings, but we have several nights in a hotel, some work to be done to both cars (when van gets to U.S.), we'll most likely need a washer and dryer and if I'm buying I'm buying nice. We do have enough for first months rent and a deposit. I will be getting a big check from my school soon so that should help, but it was originally going to pay off the credit card. Oh well we'll get debt free one day. The good thing about this is that our insurance will go way down since it's so expensive here in Germany so that should save us about $100/month.

Either way this will be God's blessing on us and we will make it.